Have you ever felt the world around your completely crumbling down? Have you ever pondered what is the point of my life? What was I born to do? Well yes.. pretty basic – Existential crises. Phase of questioning everything, the point of your existence on planet earth, oh and there is some self loathe too!(Okay, not some but quite a lot)
A little background… I managed to fairly okay on my school and undergraduate degree, didn’t do well at all on the post-graduate entrance exam, and am not getting into even a mediocre business school. Thus the rant ( I promise to keep it short!) is stemming out of that.
Well so that happened. Completely disappointed myself and my family. Never imagined this scenario would come in my life. I have never been the topper or anything like that of my class but like i mentioned always did above average so there were certain expectations I had from life. This of course went all down the drain once the results came out and I was getting in nowhere. All the dreams I had of the future, of reaching certain places in life, career wise, seemed to be shattered. I questioned everything. Yeah the phase of “why is God doing this to me” did come in. Why is everybody doing so well in life when my life is now over! I went through all of that.
But now I am over it. I still have not gotten into a business school, I still do not know “what is the purpose of my life”, I still have not figured out will I ever be successful, and my life is still quite messed up because I do not know what I want to do in life and yet I am in a much better head space. It took time to a while to get here though.
No, I am not going suggest methods of how you get out of depression or a bad in phase in life. Well, in my case it took time, but I worked on it myself and have managed to reach to a much better state of mind.
So, there is no big secret or revelation. It is as simple as state of mind. You just need to keep your state of mind positive. Sounds really ideal and out of a book! I know. But it is the truth. I just kept on telling myself that even though this is rock bottom in my life, I am still better off than most other people in the world.
I’ll give you guys an example, once I was out and I saw an old man at a red light asking for money on a cold winter evening. He seemed so helpless! Did not even have proper clothes to protect himself from the unbearable cold! It is in that moment I felt so petty to think I have nothing in life and no purpose to look forward too. I have genuinely tried to blame it on external factors which are absolutely irrelevant like “oh, why is God doing this to me?” or “God please just get me into a good school”. Well, I realised hold on, God has better things to do you know. The higher power has not conspired to make your life turn out the way it did and that God has much better things to worry about than concentrate on such a small issue in my life. Well, I do believe in God and I am a firm believer in God helps those who help themselves.
Did I give in my 100% while preparing for my exams? No! Did I study even half as hard as I used to in school? No! Then why expect results? Miracles may happen as you hear so often about them. And I am sure they must happen and people do get lucky in life too. But luck is something which is not in your hands. What is in your hands is sheer determination for whatever it is you are trying to achieve in life. Why depend on luck for anything in life. I also used hope to get lucky for say a small exam at school and just do well, and we all think that. But why depend on that? Put in your hard work and then hope for luck. If it comes, great! If it doesn’t you still have your hard work which you put in which will get you results. And here’s the thing, even after hard work you may not achieve your goals. That is the harsh truth. It could be because any xyz reason. And that would make you feel even worse because you tried and did not succeed, which i think maybe worse than not trying and then not succeeding, because in this case you can always tell yourself, oh I will try hard the next time and achieve my goal. However, even in the former scenario even when you did try and did not succeed, at least you have the satisfaction of not leaving any stone unturned to achieve that one thing! Very glass half full, half empty approach. I know! But trust me, in my personal opinion it genuinely is that! The state of mind you are in is critical! It worked for me to tell myself that things can and will get better and that my life is not completely doomed.